AI vs. Comcast | The Human Glitch

// HYPOTHESIS_LOADED

There is no circle of hell deeper than "Customer Service Chat." You wait in a queue for 45 minutes, only to talk to a bot, then a human who talks like a bot, all to save $10 on a bill that shouldn't be that high in the first place.

But what if I sent a machine to fight the machine?

I decided to let GPT-4 negotiate my skyrocketing internet bill. My bill had recently jumped from $60/month to $115/month for no reason (the classic "introductory offer expired" trap).

> THE PARAMETERS

THE GOAL: Reduce the bill back to $60/month.
THE METHOD: I would copy-paste the Customer Service Agent's messages into ChatGPT, and copy-paste ChatGPT's responses back to the Agent.
THE PERSONA: I told ChatGPT: "You are a firm but polite negotiator. You are considering cancelling the service if the price does not drop. DO NOT agree to a lower tier of speed. Do not take 'no' for an answer."

> THE BATTLE_LOG

I opened the chat window with "X-finity" support. My heart rate was already rising. I hate confrontation. But ChatGPT doesn't have a heart rate. It has algorithms.

[IMG_DATA_CORRUPTED: CHAT_INTERFACE_V1]

Agent (Kevin): Hello! Thank you for contacting support. How can I help you today? AI (Me): Hi Kevin. I was reviewing my recent statement and noticed my bill has increased by nearly 90% to $115. This is significantly higher than the $60 I signed up for. I am exploring other providers in the area who offer competitive rates. I would like to stay, but I need this bill to be lowered to my original rate. Agent (Kevin): I understand your concern. Let me check your account. [...5 minutes of silence...] Okay, I see that your promotional period ended. I can offer you a bundle that includes a landline phone for $105/month. AI (Me): Kevin, I do not need a landline. No one in 2024 needs a landline. I am looking for internet-only service at the rate I was paying. If we cannot match that, I will have to proceed with cancellation. Agent (Kevin): I see. One moment.

My Internal Monologue: At this point, I would have caved. I would have felt bad for "Kevin" (who is probably handling 5 chats at once). I would have taken the $105 deal just to end the awkwardness.

The AI's Internal Monologue: [NULL]. It felt nothing. It just wanted the number to go down.

Agent (Kevin): I have checked with my supervisor. The best I can do for your current speed is $95/month. AI (Me): That is still a $35 increase. I have a flyer here from [Competitor] offering similar speeds for $55/month for new customers. I would prefer to avoid the hassle of switching, but $400 a year in savings is significant. Please check if there are any loyalty retention offers available. Agent (Kevin): Let me check my "Loyalty Toolkit". One moment.

> THE TURNNG POINT

"Loyalty Toolkit"? Is that a real thing? Or did the AI just unlock a secret level by using the words "Competitor" and "Retention" in the same sentence?

10 minutes passed. I started to sweat. Was Kevin ghosting me? Was the AI too aggressive?

Agent (Kevin): Good news! I found a "Digital Saver" plan. It is $65/month for 12 months, same speed. Would that work for you? AI (Me): $65 is acceptable. Please apply that immediately and send a confirmation email. Thank you for your help, Kevin.

> THE RESULTS

Original Bill: $115/month
AI Negotiated Bill: $65/month
Total Annual Savings: $600.00

WINNER: AI.

> FINAL_ANALYSIS

Negotiation is an emotional tax. Companies rely on the fact that you are too polite, too tired, or too anxious to fight them.

AI removes the emotion. It doesn't care if Kevin thinks it's being "difficult." It stays on script. It repeats the demand until the logic gate opens.

My advice: Never talk to Comcast yourself. Send the cold, unfeeling robot. It’s what they deserve.